Dungeons & Dragons - An amazing mess of a fantasy film.

A tale of adventure, magic, and overacting.

Wow! Dungeons and Dragons, what have you done!? This movie...is amazing! The level of over-the-top stupidity in this movie is astounding!

Released in the year 2000, this was Courtney Solomon's attempt to bring the iconic tabletop game to the big screen...I think. I honestly can't be sure of anything in this movie. This movie has some of the most over-the-top acting, over-the-top writing, poorly-made sets, and unexplained plot threads that I've seen in a while. I enjoyed this movie way more than I should have!

Don't get me wrong, this movie is garbage. Absolute garbage, in fact. But you know what? After seeing God's Not Dead, this is like Citizen Kane in comparison!

The difference between D&D and God's Not Dead is simple: God's Not Dead is a hateful sack of crap that made me feel uncomfortable from beginning to end. D&D is an earnest film that feels like it's trying to make a good movie. It just didn't turn out too well.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's get int exactly what makes this movie such a beautiful mess.

So, this film actually has a plot I can describe easily and succinctly. Strange, I know. The movie revolves around the evil sorcerer, Profion, who's trying to overthrow the Empress Savina by using an ancient scepter that can control dragons. Through a convoluted series of being the wrong places at the wrong times, a young, 99-cent version of Aladdin named Ridley, his sassy black sidekick named Snails, and an attractive, bookish mage named Marina, end up competing with Profion's servant, Damodar, to find the staff and save the world from the rule of a tyrant. It's got all your fantasy archetypes: a diverse set of heroes, a magically-inclined villain, a magic MacGuffin that everyone wants, swordfights, spells, and yet surprisingly few dungeons or dragons. Very disappointing, I must say.

Now, this movie sounds like the most generic-ass fantasy story in the world, and you're right. There is very little originality to be found here. But damn, it's fun! It feels like this movie revels in its own over-the-top madness and just presents with no shame. It's kind of amazing how open it is about its' premise. This movie just loves fantasy and everything that comes with it!

Profion, the Hammy

Now, despite how much this movie loves itself, that doesn't excuse it from being horrendous. My oh my, is this movie trash. Let's begin with the acting, shall we? Some of the performances, particularly those of Ridley and Marina, are passable at best and adorably poor at worst, this movie takes place in a certified World of Ham. Jeremy Irons plays Profion, and he is having the absolute time of life as the evil overlord. Every line of dialogue he utters is so deliciously evil and over-the-top that it's impossible not to smile yourself. Damodar is played by Bruce Payne and, and boy is he ever not caring what anybody thinks. Half the time he sounds like he's doing baby talk, and the other half he's imitating the Emperor from Star Wars. Snails is played by Marlon Wayans being every character he's ever played in his brothers' parody movies, just with less profanity and sex jokes. There are other characters, like Elwood the dwarf, and Azmath the Guildmaster, and they all act just as strangely and goofily at the rest. They're a blast to watch, but I can't in good conscience call them acceptable performances.

Damodar, the Fabulous

The effects in this movie aren't really anything to write home about. They are the very definition of "PS2 Cutscene" in terms of quality. While the practical effects are acceptable at best, if a little bizarre at times, the CG is so hilariously poor that I keep seeing Twisted Metal Black or Final Fantasy X every time a dragon is onscreen. The costume design is also pretty suspect, with many of them coming straight out of a bad L.A.R.P. session. Damodar in particular looks pretty ridiculous with his cape, spiked shoulder pads, and powder-blue lipstick. There's also the Empress's plastic, bouncy headgear, and a tracker elf's pointed-boob chestplate. I'm not sure who designed the costumes, but I hope they found good work in Spirit Halloween Store.

This movie is a crazed amalgamation of fantasy cliches and tropes that just rolls with the punches to create the ultimate blend of insanity and stupidity. It's an earnest film with no qualms about what it is, and I actually respect that greatly. A lot of films set in fantastical worlds will try their damnedest to make this world seem as dry and real as possible. This movie just doesn't care. It wears its heart on its sleeve and hides nothing. I love that!

This movie is Cinematic Garbage, through and through, but it's the kind of garbage that sticks out from the pile. It's a movie that, if you like entertaining messes, I'd actually recommend!

There are 2 sequels to this movie circulating around the internet. I guess I've got my work cut out for me.