So, Disney has recently unveiled the live-action remake of what many consider to be their magnum opus: Beauty and the Beast. The original film was a masterpiece, pure and simple. It had gorgeous hand-drawn animation, a cast of characters we could never forget, and one of the strongest romances in film history. It was the first ever animated film to be nominated for Best Picture. I think that sums it up well enough.
Naturally, with such a milestone, Disney would want to cash in on its success when it becomes nostalgically profitable, like 26 years after its initial release when those who saw it as kids are now adults and able to pay their way into theatres. Now, Disney cashing in on some of their well-established franchises is nothing new. Hell, they did it with Cinderella and the Jungle Book recently and those turned out OK. So, why is Beauty and the Beast being featured on a blog called "Cinematic Garbage?"
That's because it is awful.
This movie fails as a remake, doing no justice to the original in the slightest. It removes what made the original so great and replaces it with a ton of pointless, tacked on nonsense that does nothing to fix any problems people might have had with the original.
Before you say "well, we should judge it on its own and not in comparison to the original" this movie copies it almost note-for-note. That's like saying you shouldn't compare the 1998 Psycho remake to the original when it's a shot-for-shot remake! It's blatantly obvious that it's trying to recreate the magic of the original while having no clue as to why it worked as well as it did!
As such, we're going to go in-depth as to why this movie failed in such as epic manner.
First, we're going to be fair. We'll discuss the positives.
Kevin Kline as Maurice
Josh Gad as LeFou
Audra McDonald's singing voice (for all of 30 seconds, but still worth mentioning)
The pretty CG castle
OK, positives over. Now let's get into the bad.
First, and most importantly, almost every actor in this movie is horribly miscast. Aside from the aforementioned Kevin Kline and Josh Gad, none of the actors in this movie fit their roles. I almost feel like this is a cast list I would come up with as a joke with my friends and never actually use in a movie.
Emma Watson never feels like she knows what she's doing as Belle. When her performance as Belle in the remake of an animated classic is a step down from her performance as Hermione, you know you're in for some crap. Watson has three expressions throughout this entire movie: grinning, frowning, and crying. Far cry from the incredibly animated faces in the original. Example: instead of happy and comforted in the arms of the Beast during the famous ballroom dance scene, Watson just stares blankly at Dan Stevens' CG face.
But her biggest sin as Belle in this movie comes not from her acting, but her singing. Good God, her singing is terrible in this movie. It's not quite Pierce Brosnan bad, but it's up there. They try to fix it by autotuning her to Hell and back, and it ends up making her sound more like GLaDOS than Belle. I never saw a character in Watson's performance. All I saw was someone reading lines and making the best out of a bad situation.
Oh, but Emma Watson isn't the only one miscast in this train wreck. There's also the Beast's servants at his castle! Ewan MacGregor didn't sell me as Lumiere, mostly because I didn't buy his French(?) accent. Though his candlestick is the most appealing CG inanimate object in the castle, he just didn't fit the role. Speaking of unappealing CG objects, what the hell were they thinking with most of them in this movie? Cogsworth's face is strangely mechanical (even for a clock) and Ian McKellen tries, as he usually does, but his role basically amounts to spouting exposition, pointing out the time, and arguing with Lumiere. Emma Thompson is fine as Mrs. Potts, I guess, but she brings nothing Angela Lansbury couldn't.
Audra McDonald is cast as the Wardrobe of all things (who is narcoleptic for no apparent reason) and, despite her accolades, barely gets to sing in this movie while Emma Watson and Dan Stevens get to sing-talk their way through the musical numbers. Also, her CG model? Way scarier than the Beast! She has these black, soulless eyes and these curtains for a mouth that look like the flapping jaws of death itself! What was wrong with just a normal face like all the other inanimate objects have!?
Oh, and Stanley Tucci is in this movie as a piano. Yeah, I know that seems tacked on and pointless, but so was he.
Luke Evans plays Gaston in this movie, and he does...fine. He also can't sing, leading to a painfully autotuned Mob Song. Josh Gad does a good job as LeFou and managed to get a few laughs out of me. Now, I'm sure you've heard the fact that LeFou is gay for Gaston in this movie and...it goes nowhere. LeFou's crush on Gaston amounts to nothing but a few jokes you'd see in any romance movie with the "dogged nice guy" character.
You're probably wondering why I haven't talked about the Beast yet. Well, that's because there is barely anything to say. Dan Stevens' portrayal of the iconic Beast is so bland and unoriginal that it nearly brought me to tears in the theatre. If that's not enough, the Beast is a complete a-hole for the majority of the movie. In the original, he was a jerk, obviously, but it felt like he was at least trying to be civil when Belle first arrived. Here, he's so stupid that he never even considers that Belle could be the one to free him until she runs out of the castle and gets attacked by wolves. Belle and the Beast share no interaction between the points when she first arrives and when she finds the rose. Because of that, there is very little connection between the two and the scene where Belle is yelled at and sent off has no impact!
The lack of chemistry between Watson and Stevens is something of a big problem in a ROMANCE movie. Gaston and LeFou have better chemistry than Belle and Beast. Belle and Maurice have better chemistry than Belle and Beast! They remove key scenes and interactions between characters, completely messing up the pacing, leaving the movie feeling disjointed and unnatural.
Speaking of the pacing, y'know that pointless stuff they added I mentioned earlier? Well, here's a quick rundown of what they are and where they go.
Gaston being a war veteran. That goes nowhere.
The Beast's tragic backstory involving a dead mother and abusive father. That goes nowhere.
The Beast's magic book that allows him and Belle to travel anywhere in the world which they use to go to Belle's childhood home to answer a question no-one was asking. That's as far as it goes.
Gaston and LeFou's attempt to straight-up murder Maurice. Leads to the same outcome as the bar scene in the first movie. So it goes nowhere.
With every petal that drops from the rose the castle falls apart and the inanimate objects become less animate. Leads to a great scene at the end, but not much else.
There's everything new in the movie. Aside from that, it's pretty much the same as the original, except with worse acting and no charm.
Don't go see this movie if you haven't already. It's a pointless remake meant to do nothing but attract the money from our wallets, plain and simple.
Beauty and the Beast (2017) is grade-A Cinematic Garbage.
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